Posts

Showing posts from February, 2018

The REAL outlaw among us...

Image
Of all the pictures that could possibly be taken of a dude all dandied up for a wedding (a wedding he actually had to stand up for at the church, no less), I suppose it's only fitting that the only shots of him from said event involved some sort of mayhem...
Considering I had a limited window in which to get everything done, I tagged the windows and strapped on some cans--not much else--and neither proved as simple as they may seem. That particular model of vehicle was notably lacking any ready spots to lash anything to--no hitch, no bumper, not even any brackets underneath. This I know from crawling underneath said vehicle and pawing around like a blind man.

I finally found some roughly 3/4 holes in the wheel of spare tire that was mounted down there. And since they made me feel up the underside of the car for a good five minutes (and because it better hid said noisemakers), I made sure to tie said rattle cans at the farthest point forward down there. Not once feeling the slight…

Story Excerpt: One bad day can always get worse (Part II)

Image
Yesterday you met our good buddy Doug, who had a bit of a potty mouth, a bit of a problem with his neighbor, and a bit of a tussle in the yard. With a cop. A real cop, it turned out, not just one of those Rent-A-Cop wannabes like at the mall. Doug just assumed, you know, especially when the fellow showed up in one those annoying little carts and looked every bit of twelve. It was an assumption that ended with Doug chewing his own lawn, ruining his best Hawaiian shirt, and getting a free ride to the pokey. It couldn't possibly get any wor--Wait a minute! Isn't that how all this started in the first place?



“I always told you that temper of yours was gonna get you in trouble one of these days,” Maggie says, steering the Suburban like it was her first time behind the wheel. “I guess now you’ll listen.”

After spending the night in a holding cell with two drunks and a drug dealer, one of them a puker, Doug didn’t have the energy to respond.

“I had to sell your boat to get you out o…

New story excerpt: One bad day can always get worse (Part 1)...

Image
Once again, as a courtesy to friends and family not particularly fond of my blue language from time to time, I must once again beg your forgiveness and rate this with R. For the rest of you, though (let's hum a few bars and give that first bunch a chance to log out: Hmmm, hmm HMMMM hmmm hmm ) . . . Alright. Is that all of them? Here we go then.



One bad day can always get worse…
It could have happened to anyone, anyplace, at any time. It happened to be a Tuesday for Doug, not long after he handed a raft of shit to his neighbor, Bob, that should've come with paddles.
“What the hell do you mean, you called the law?”

“I mean I called the police to report your dang dog,” Bob says. “That beast kept me up all hours barking last night. No one should have to put up with that kind of racket.”

“He was barking at your damn car, which you drove through my fucking fence, you moron.”

“Oh, we’re back to that are we?”

“Hell yeah, I’m back to that,” Doug says, taking a couple steps forward, now…

A thousand words and all...

Image
You how they say a picture can say some much? Well, here's a couple. To these, the 28 years of Valentine's Days past between now and then, and many more. . .








Above, the first picture taken of Jenn and I following our marriage Nov. 18, 2017, at St. Mary's Catholic Church near Hallettsville. At right, the same couple before our high school commencement ceremonies at Apache Stadium in late May 1990 in Gonzales. You know some years have passed when tape holding your picture down turns yellow: I was 17 then, seven days shy of 45, the other.

From an old San Martian: This stings just a bit...

Image
I was one of several hundred volunteers from around San Marcos and what was then SOUTHWEST Texas State University who pitched in to help build the roughly half-acre children's play area in San Marcos that came to called, simply, Playscape.
I hardly claim to know diddly about who did what to whom and for how much: I was blissfully content being invisible right about then. Just as soon stay buried, in fact, under about foot of soil, completely unnoticed. I remember a buddy telling me about it a couple days earlier. I sure wasn't planning on doing any actual work. I was just curious about I might've come. And with not much happening that particular morning (or what little was left of morning, anyway), I decided I'd swing by, check it out, maybe. 
It was about noon by the time I got there. Folks were munching sandwiches, blankets spread on the grass like an old-fashioned picnic. Some dude had brought a guitar. He strummed, over under the tree, while this chick who looked a…

Forty days and 40 nights...

Image
That always seemed like one helluva long time to me, especially when you read about somebody like Noah, riding around with not just one but two rattlesnakes, cobras, skunks, scorpions, mosquitos, black widow spiders and those jackass hyenas, laughing at you every time you've got to clean a litter box.

Which is almost constant, what with the horses, elephants and hippopotami all sharing the same box to keep them from wandering aimlessly past the lions, tigers and bears, who seem to be getting right irate with the all-granola diet he was feeding them...

Damn unicorns did that the first week. Now he had to come up with good explanation for big boss, come accounting time...

Forty days. That's what I have left. To finish the book, that is. Suddenly, it doesn't seem so long.

I realize that may not align with previous timelines written on here, but call it kindness extended to me by my advisor in this process (who I would ask that keep in your prayers, for those of who do. I'…

Possum Killin' (Part 2)

Image
You met my dog, Hico, in my last installment. We were talking about how you could pick up on all sorts of things from a dog's bark, if you learned how to listen. And as promised, allow me to introduce said possum. (Don't get too attached to him.) And here's where we left off:
There’s the choppy, the-puppies-are-missing bark, usually in concert with some other hound (or hounds), clear across town. You can almost make out each dot and dash of their canine Morse code, passing on their messages in a sort of doggy dictation. Then there’s the throatier, stouter “BA-ruff!” she slings at most passersby. It’s the this-is-my-yard-so-you-best-keep-walking bark. Works like a charm, most days, especially when you toss in that tremendous leap of hers. Few and far between are those who loiter on my block. Finally, you’ve got the break-out-straight-jacket, aliens-have-landed, ninjas-are-on-the-roof bark. It’s about five parts wolf pack, three parts Rottweiler and two parts get-your-ass-out…

Possum Killin' (Part 1)

Image
Like most everything I write, even most outlandish of fictions, there's a good chance there's some hint of truth hidden somewhere. Some would say that probably makes me a rather liar, and I wouldn't tell them they're wrong. Every once in a while, though, you really gotta facts because you couldn't make up shit that good if you tried. That's the definitely the case with this next piece. . .
And be patient: We'll get to the possums. Trust me...


***

I’m sure my notions on animals in general make me outright barbaric by most standards today, but I grew up in a different time.
People lived in houses and animals, outside. Barring some extraordinary circumstances, we kept things that way. In fact, we preferred it that way.
There were exceptions, of course. Like the time we got that hard freeze in February and we had to bring that newborn calf in the house because it nearly died when that momma cow refused to let her suck. You truly haven't lived until you ra…